First Blog Post

Shift starts at 11 pm. Lack of sleep. Always craving for foods. Facing the computer monitor all night long. Talking with different people. A life of having a night shift work. For some people, it’s really hard to adjust in this type of working hour. As for me, I got used to it. I got used to staying awake almost all night, long before I started working.

During my student days, I loved doing some stuffs at night, like watching TV (more on Animes or TV series), doing my hobbies like drawing or writing anything that comes into my mind (more on fictional things like Animes again, haha), studying or making home works if there are some (I seldom do this!), and etc.

Now here I am on my first blog post, just to share some thoughts of mine on the Online World of Internet. This world for the netizens is the second realm that I’d run into whenever I get upset on my reality, or whenever I get bored or just when I want to escape my life just for a moment (the first one is my Writing/Reading Stories realm).

I know that when we get frustrated over some people or things, the Internet World is one of the best and easiest way to escape reality (only if you have a Wifi, Data, or any internet connections that you have). Escaping my reality just for a meantime doesn’t mean that I don’t want to face my real life. Actually, this is just one of my ways to release stress, cope up with things, gather enough confidence, and afterwards, I’d get real! Otherwise, I’d be caught up with my problems and be buried alive by my fears.

So yes, after I gather up all of the scattered pieces of me, I’d definitely stand up looking brave with the scars already healed, converting the negative aura into positive vibes, thanking God that I’m still wide awake and I will live my life the way I’d want it to be.

Screw all of my anxieties, I will face the world with a real smile on my face… 🙂

PHOTO CREDIT: Pexels

I Write

The table is clear; the seat is ready, as always on the favorite spot near the window. The materials are always prepared to be used for a daily doze of activity by a silent writer.

From pens, notebooks (big or small), binder, paper and a reliable dictionary for dealing with the curiosity of learning new words to be used. Well, what more can I say about a writer who literally makes a handwritten manuscript of her creations?

Writing has been a part of my daily habit. For almost everyday, I try to find time for me to write. My creations are either poems, essays, short stories, random quotes and also novel-length stories. My favorite story genres are Fantasy, Action, Adventure, though I mostly put Romance, Humor and Drama on my stories.

I love combining the first three genres (mostly on novel-types) that I mentioned, which are fantasy, action and adventure. I’m breaking the rules of reality and make way for different bizarre realms.

Through writing, I can fully express my thoughts, emotions and anything about me. This is my way of expressing myself, diving into the world of words with infinite possibilities of anything imaginable. With enough words, stock knowledge, wide imagination, time, practice, effort and patience, I can surely write all I want!

I just need to keep my senses active because whoever or whatever things that I can see, hear, smell, taste or feel, can be stored temporarily or permanently on my mind and from that, I can write even more.

I write ’cause I’m feeling voiceless most of the time.
I write to share what’s on my mind.
I write to practice my grammar, diction and poetic skills.
I write to quote about life and anything.
I write for those who are having a hard time to speak.
I write to create different fantastic realms of the unknown.
I write action scenes to add excitement and thrill.
I write RomCom because falling in love can be stupid sometimes, yet it brings happiness to certain people.
I write to visualize the nature’s beauty and importance.
I write to share stories of different people, not just mine.
I write to express anything and everything that bothers me.
I write to share what my senses had gathered and stored.
I write and this is my bittersweet passion.

You see, I have different reasons of why I write, but the most common reason is to express myself in different ways. Maybe there are reasons that I haven’t even uncluded in here. Well, whatever that is, it explains why I love to write!

How about you? Do you love WRITING?

If yes, for what reasons do you write?

PHOTO CREDIT: Pexels

Poem On Stage

 

I don’t know if this is considered as a confession or what, haha!

There was a time when I was chosen by my teacher to represent our school in a contest where I will perform a certain poem. I was still on my first grade in elementary that time. 

Since I was a kid, I already knew that I was a shy-type of person. But even though I was that timid, people, especially the teachers and my classmates, still recognized me because I was one of the top students.

I don’t want to perform on stage but I was chosen. So, I had no choice but to agree. The copy of a certain poem to be performed was given to me and my teacher started training me. Even in our house, my mother made me practice the given piece.

My mother was also teaching on that elementary school where I was entering that’s why her co-teachers and some schoolmates knew me even though I cannot recognize all of them.

I believe it is one of the reasons why I can’t disagree with what they want me to do. I also want to make my parents and teacher to be proud of me. I want to represent my school. It’s just that, I have a big problem about myself. I was too shy back then, too innocent and careless as well. 

That’s it, I was trained and all set, ready for the event. But deep inside, I was scared and nervous. I was trembling back then, my heart was beating real fast that I don’t know how to calm myself. It was my first time to join such contest, not to mention that it should be performed individually.

When the MC called the attention of the participants for the poem contest, our school was not mentioned. Maybe they forgot it or what, I had no idea. My mother and my teacher told me to just go up on stage and perform. But I became so hesitant that time and I don’t have the urge to do it anymore. They tried to convince me to stand on stage, but my mind already decided. I won’t and I can’t do it.

The terrifying feeling that I once felt had disappeared when they gave up on persuading me. But deep inside, I knew what’s on their minds. They were disappointed with me and I was so disappointed with myself as well. I felt sorry for being like that. 

Months passed by and weeks before our closing ceremony, I was surprised and happy at the same time upon knowing that I was the first honor in our class! I knew I made my parents proud of that achievement during my childhood days. Guess what?

My teacher gave me another poem to memorize and I need to perform it on the closing program! Gosh, I became nervous but I still practiced it well.

Finally, I had that courage to stand in front of the crowd…

 

“I’m back!”

“I’m back!”

I don’t know if my post makes sense to someone who’ll read it because this is more like my open diary and some random thoughts that’s been bothering me. Anyway, I’m just sharing something that’s making my mind chaotic, out of control and weird, yet somehow, I still have the calm and peace deep within me.

Lately, I’ve been diving deep into the abyss of my personality and guess what? I learned a lot about me aside from my introverted and stubborn nature. Now I feel like I have this whole new idea of understanding my own self, even the weirdest and creepiest part of me.

So, for this comeback, I’ll think of some stuffs or topics which I can relate and maybe some people can relate or understand wholeheartedly. I won’t promise for something great but I’ll do my best on creating posts and hopefully, I can be more active.

“See yah!”

 

PHOTO CREDIT: Pexels (cover)

 

Breaking Free

 

“What’s the worst thing of being me, not knowing what to do exactly with my life as of now?” 

 

Honestly, as of now, I’m having a hard time on deciding what to do next or where should I go. I’m struggling against my own self, which probably is my greatest enemy ever since. I don’t know, my mind is always on chaos but I always choose to fight my anxieties and insecurities so to continue living with my daily doze of bittersweet life. 

To the next few years of my life, I hope I can do more or be more. I wanna do a lot of things but seems like the world won’t let me, or the society rather. But it doesn’t matter because I know myself, that I can handle my own life, and that I should not listen more often to negative things all around me. I’m walking on my own feet, so as the others.

Maybe I’m not really lost, I know exactly what to do. It’s just that, I’m always trying to fit in to other people’s standards even though it doesn’t define who I am. I should probably stop reaching their expectations for I have my own reasons to stay focus and keep living… 

 

“I’m breaking free, people, you can’t pull me back just for your satisfaction!” 

 

 

PHOTO CREDITS: Pexels 

 

Failed

“Yeah, I failed. Once again I failed. I’m such a damn failure!” 

What more can I say when I failed once again? Am I really that dumb? Am I not really enough? Why do I feel like whatever I do I always end up failing? Is my life really worth living? Do I still have a chance to improve?

I’m lost, really lost. Don’t know which way to go. I want to break free from my comfort zone but I just can’t because I’m scared, too scared to face the world. My reality is on a loop and frustrating! I even questioned myself a lot of times.

“Where do this life would take me and what will I be?” 

I don’t know the answer yet. I have no idea. But one thing is for sure, I cannot simply give up and I must not! I’ll find a way to overcome my weaknesses. I will surely stand up and reach for my goals, for me to see the beauty of the world…

“I won’t lose in this lifetime!” 

PHOTO CREDIT: Pexels

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Visibly Invisible

Let me tell you something. Wait, I don’t even exactly know how to put it into words, but I guess I’ll just go with the flow of my random-thinking mind. There were moments when I felt like I just wanted to disappear all of a sudden and be back again in an instant when I’m ready to return. There were times that I just wanted to be invisible from the eyes of the people around me to avoid questions and anything because I know that people tend to judge easily. But somehow, I don’t want them to forget the existence of ME.

I believe that understanding a person is one of the hardest yet easiest thing to do. You’d think that you fully know a certain person by just being close to them or by knowing them personally, but you’re wrong. Sometimes, a smile or a laughter is just a cover of the real emotions, while the stubborn attitudes are just what they want you to think of them and it covers the real personality within. Just like me. There were moments when I’m having a hard time to understand anything or anyone, but still, I’m trying my best to understand them. Mostly, I’m the one who is always adjusting myself to the people around me, and I’m getting tired of it sometimes.

Did they even bother to understand me? Or did they even thought of asking me if I’m okay? Aren’t they gonna ask me of what I want to do with my life? Well, forget it, nobody cares that much anyway.

My personalities are like a burning ice and a frozen fire, all at the same time. My attitude towards people are cold as winter but hot as a summer (don’t ask why, it’s just me). I am moody, but I can be friendly. My introverted side can go wild sometimes. I’m loud but silent, tough but voiceless. I’m naughty but shy, sassy but kind. I’m stubbornly careful and stupidly good. Clever in some ways but with limited knowledge on everything. Simply weird and naturally mysterious.

This is who I am. This is the real me. Your visibly invisible girl, waiting to be discovered…

PHOTO CREDITS: Pexels; My Own (below)

My City Life at Night

When daylight is out, my night life in. Getting ready for almost every night (week nights only) for my night shift work. I’m leaving the house by mostly 9 to 9:30 pm and travel more or less than 10-15 minutes to our office. On the other side of the highway street, just in front of our house, is where I stand almost every night while waiting for a vehicle. Good thing that there are some posts with street lights turned on every night to guide the highway vehicles and the people who are staying late. Mostly, it’ll take minutes of time for me to wait for a vehicle ’cause it’s late at night. 

While waiting, I’d spend the time to chat with any member of our family (mostly my mother) who accompanies me in the street. And whenever I’m standing on that street, I’d always take a glance or stare for a while in the beautiful night sky. By any chance, I’m quite a stargazer.

When I’m riding on a vehicle going to our small office somewhere in town, I always get a chance to see what’s out in the city life when the night falls deep at passed 9 pm and so on.

Fewer vehicles; establishments which are open for 24 hours or less (like convenience stores); street food vendors are wide awake; the igniting city lights; rainbow fountain on the city plaza; the elegant lights and designs of some restaurant; some people staying up late or maybe untill morning just to have fun or do whatever they wanted to do. There are times when I see workers, continuously fixing some parts of the road. Overtime job, maybe.

As I step out of the vehicle whenever I arrive on the place (after giving fare of course), I’d walk straight to the place, just a few meters away from the highway street.

While on that few meters walk, I’d still take some time to look up in the night sky and watch the stars sparkling brightly (if the sky is cleared from clouds). It would also look good if Mr.Moon is around. When I enter and as I close the gate, once again I would glance at the night sky and smile.

I’d be entering the door and set up my unit in the next few moments…

PHOTO CREDITS: Pexels

Photo by Sam Willis on Pexels.com